Broken Brains

"Arushi Ahuja"
Gabriel Neffke.

Tender little hearty us with tampered broken brains,
gleaming glittering eyes like old window panes!
orifice of the world to the precarious decisions
of the wounded hearts and confusing visions.
smiling to the world with tears in our eyes,
hoping to be noticed by dark passer-bys.
They are too busy to look as they walk
away engrossed in their cheerful talk!
we feel like a distasteful bland wall
of brick and cement ready to fall...
crumbling paint old haggard look
standing upfront an effort took!
In us resides a vision so bright
of glorious days and nights.
we with our broken brain
and hushed huge pain
shattered sad hearts
lost in buried pasts
uttering our byes
in dreamy eyes
living wishing
heart aching,
hoping for,
amour or
concern
  or care.
for us
me
I
.


Written for Photo Challenge at MindLoveMisery!
&
Also shared with Imaginary Garden with Real Toads for open link Monday!



38 comments:

  1. First of all I love the form and the rhythm. Powerful emotional piece, there is a lot of depth to this piece and it speaks expertly of human psychology

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  2. Yes, lovely composition inverted triangle shape, yes basically I love waiting!

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  3. You maintained the rhyme as well as the pattern ... wow .. too good :-)

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  4. First of all, the pattern of rhyme and verse is interesting. Also, you provide a link to that :"alone in a crowd feeling" in a subtle way, which makes it very effective. I resonate with your words. Well-penned. :-)
    -HA

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  5. As all say the pattern!! is amazing and very beautifully and intelligently you have kept it as well as the flow of the poem. Good one!!!

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  6. It looks nice ........and intense......great read!

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  7. Very tough -- and brainy -- work here, keeping up a seamless argument with corresponding meter and rhyme while trimming more and more away from the lines. Exercises like this can become more about the exercise than the poem, but this stays true throughout. It's a wonder that a broken brain can sing, but maybe only broken brains can.

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    1. Blue... the hearts sings.... thank you... it was not so much as exercise... it was quite simple...

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  8. this touched me the way i sometimes see things, observe people. when i walk or drive on any particular day i always wonder if they see me and like i being curious about them if they too are curious about me. poignant piece. gracias for the visual form, also. affective. I do that sometimes

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    1. Thank you marco... m glad you enjoyed this..

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  9. Love the form....This reminds me of lyrics in Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall." Your piece speaks so vividly of the need for love/connection.

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    1. Thank you susie... I tried really hard
      .

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  10. "...hushed huge pain
    shattered sad hearts"

    Such painful silence...

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  11. The shape and rhyme work so well together in this piece. Great write.

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  12. Love the way your poem drains down to and at the same time totters on that tiny supporting "I".

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  13. I'm having a very strange moment right now. I was sure I commented on this poem. Maybe I was dreaming. Hm...

    "...hushed huge pain
    shattered sad hearts"

    These lines make feel all kinds of deep things. I'm now thinking of a heart that speaks in shatters.

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    1. Yes magaly you did comment but thank you again...

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  14. Very innovative way of doing it Arushi! The visual and the rhyming are outstandingly done despite the tightness. Brilliant!

    Hank

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  15. Excellent concrete poetry, Arushi. Your skill is shown in maintaining both shape and rhymes throughout.

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  16. It all comes down to that finite point... me. Extremely effective way to write this!

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    1. Yes george a universe revolves around 'me' . Thank you..

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  17. The poem is as penetrating as the pointed shape suggest, yet also whimsical and serious at once. I know how much work it takes to make one of these--very effective and well-crafted piece.

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  18. I too love the concrete form and shape and that ending I - so well done ~

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  19. For us, me, I....love that and the image you picked to muse from...such a sharp point made the shape is befitting. Well done!

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    1. Haannah the image was a prompt from MindLoveMisery!!! Thanks...

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So much time I spent writing this... Leave me here the words on your lips!!