In Progress!

"Arushi Ahuja"
Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

Whirling in a storm of self created bonds,
Expectations writhing past like a fragment of cloud,
Hoping against hope that it would be clear,
Today so close, so near, so dear...
Filled with surprise of reluctant pleasure,
Heartily disheartened and writhing in leisure,
...

Hello poets of the pond! I don't remember since when this is spending time in my drafts.... I cant find the inspiration to go on! I am not sure of what I was writing about , how it should have been written,what comes next! I am quite speechless here on... Please enlighten me maybe with a prompt or a picture or a continuing phrase that complete this weird half finished poem! I'm not even sure if the last line makes any sense at all!
Thank you All!!

18 comments:

  1. And your piece seems complete to me, too.

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    1. maybe just one more line and then done annell!! though thank you!

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  2. I do think it needs just one more sentence to complete the thought... I wonder if starting with waiting for something something... I think you are almost finished : )

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    1. yes George almost and yet not so much!!

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  3. Hi Arushi ~~ how about writing beyond your "expectations"?
    Comes to mind the term, "out of the box" but I think that would be the dreaded colloquialism usage.
    Like Annell, one line might finish it. Or labor with it for a few lines?
    There is no possible picture that comes to my mind for you. But then I don't visualize.
    ..

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    1. hmmm jim.. i think i might try your "out of the box" idea!!

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  4. For me, after reading this I see that you've used the word "writhing" a couple of times and so I infer that there was something in this word and its meaning that impressed deeply upon you...if it were my poem, I might look for an example, (in nature, maybe), of something that physically writhes and describe it and then tie it to your poignant meaning in your poem. Just an idea, thank you for sharing this seed with us. :)

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    1. twice hannah!! i think i fell short of words...m not so sure!! dug it from my drafts from a long time back....

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  5. I think you have a very a good start. Your narrator is stuck in self bondage and wanting to escape, perhaps you could round out that story by showing us what they do to break free or if they don't, at least show us those actions...good luck...I look forward to seeing the complete product

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    1. thank you Isadora!! i ll be sure sure to complete this after so much help!!

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  6. You have a strong beginning .. I might use a word like 'floating' in place of writhing in line two. You might consider ending your poem after line four ... This is such a neat challenge!

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    1. i like the idea of using "floating" but helen i just want one more line to maybe end that weird haunting feeling inside of me!!

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    2. ... then keep at it. The line will come.

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    3. I hope so too helen... thanx for the encouragement@

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  7. I believe you would need at least another rhyming couplet to complete this poem. I think your last line prevented you from continuing the train of thought, so I would consider erasing it or rewording it so that it carries your main idea forward to a better place.

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    1. i was thinking the same Kerry!! But it dint occur to me to delete the last line i just whirled around it... hopefully now i can come upwith something!

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  8. writhing in leisure? that is such an interesting phrase. i'd like to know more about that.

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So much time I spent writing this... Leave me here the words on your lips!!