Whirling in a storm of self created bonds,
Expectations writhing past like a fragment of cloud,
Hoping against hope that it would be clear,
Today so close, so near, so dear...
Filled with surprise of reluctant pleasure,
Heartily disheartened and writhing in leisure,
...
Hello poets of the pond! I don't remember since when this is spending time in my drafts.... I cant find the inspiration to go on! I am not sure of what I was writing about , how it should have been written,what comes next! I am quite speechless here on... Please enlighten me maybe with a prompt or a picture or a continuing phrase that complete this weird half finished poem! I'm not even sure if the last line makes any sense at all!
Thank you All!!
Shared with Imaginary Garden With Real Toads!
And your piece seems complete to me, too.
ReplyDeletemaybe just one more line and then done annell!! though thank you!
DeleteI do think it needs just one more sentence to complete the thought... I wonder if starting with waiting for something something... I think you are almost finished : )
ReplyDeleteyes George almost and yet not so much!!
DeleteHi Arushi ~~ how about writing beyond your "expectations"?
ReplyDeleteComes to mind the term, "out of the box" but I think that would be the dreaded colloquialism usage.
Like Annell, one line might finish it. Or labor with it for a few lines?
There is no possible picture that comes to my mind for you. But then I don't visualize.
..
hmmm jim.. i think i might try your "out of the box" idea!!
DeleteFor me, after reading this I see that you've used the word "writhing" a couple of times and so I infer that there was something in this word and its meaning that impressed deeply upon you...if it were my poem, I might look for an example, (in nature, maybe), of something that physically writhes and describe it and then tie it to your poignant meaning in your poem. Just an idea, thank you for sharing this seed with us. :)
ReplyDeletetwice hannah!! i think i fell short of words...m not so sure!! dug it from my drafts from a long time back....
DeleteI think you have a very a good start. Your narrator is stuck in self bondage and wanting to escape, perhaps you could round out that story by showing us what they do to break free or if they don't, at least show us those actions...good luck...I look forward to seeing the complete product
ReplyDeletethank you Isadora!! i ll be sure sure to complete this after so much help!!
DeleteYou have a strong beginning .. I might use a word like 'floating' in place of writhing in line two. You might consider ending your poem after line four ... This is such a neat challenge!
ReplyDeletei like the idea of using "floating" but helen i just want one more line to maybe end that weird haunting feeling inside of me!!
Delete... then keep at it. The line will come.
DeleteI hope so too helen... thanx for the encouragement@
DeleteI believe you would need at least another rhyming couplet to complete this poem. I think your last line prevented you from continuing the train of thought, so I would consider erasing it or rewording it so that it carries your main idea forward to a better place.
ReplyDeletei was thinking the same Kerry!! But it dint occur to me to delete the last line i just whirled around it... hopefully now i can come upwith something!
Deletewrithing in leisure? that is such an interesting phrase. i'd like to know more about that.
ReplyDeleteMe too Marian!! :(
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